I will leave

Once again. My family simply insults me and when I call them out on it they act as if it wasn’t wrong. As if what they said didn’t hurt. As if I could stop it from hurting. Every fucking time. I already have to put up high enough shields, strong enough walls and I can’t even pull it down a notch when it tires me because they can tell and they attack. They see all my weaknesses and they attack, all claws and fangs and knife like tongues. All vile things and rejection. And so I break down, cause I can’t help it anymore, because there is no strength in me to keep the wards up, to be horse and knight and shield and sword. I can’t keep on fighting just to live. I can’t. And after they attack me they say “but why do you care? You should just love yourself, you will keep on doing and thinking and saying what you want so why do you care?” Because after every time you say you respect me there shouldn’t be a but. There shouldn’t be a but. And it hurts and I can’t stop it from hurting.

And I’m damn tired. So fucking tired of having to have a shield around me all the damn day. Of you not realizing that what you say hurts. I’m tired of having to fight every fucking day of my life just to fucking live. As soon as I can, I’m leaving, I’m disappearing from your lives. From your screwed up views that just because I’m different, I’m wrong.

And yes, it is too late to say sorry.


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